A Go Programming Notebook

Thirty Point Five Reasons Why I Don't have a Rails Job.

There are at least twenty reasons I don’t have a Rails job. Actually there are 30.5 – hindsight really is quite precise, isn’t it? Right now I’m on my laptop keyboard, and I generally prefer something full sized without this silly track pad in the middle that ends up making my cursor jump around when I’m trying to publish something stupid.

Normally in an article like this you’d write an ordered list, but since I’m on a cheesy keyboard I’m going to make a virtue of necessity and quip that ordered lists are just a form of Powerpoint, and I’m going to write my reasons inline, like this: (1) being too lazy, when on his laptop keyboard, to type a proper ordered list.

I’ve been working pretty hard on Rails in my off hours, on and off for some four or five years now. Sometimes I’ll work on an open source project for a little while, thinking that maybe (2) my lack of “giving back to the Rails community” is the reason I don’t have a Rails job. (I don’t know if Rails is a ghetto or not, but it is a strange bunch of people who judge professional success by how much working for free one can put up with).

In case you missed it, the last paragraph had reason (3), I cite the Rails is a Ghetto article, without even linking to it, which is pretty much a variation on reason 1.

OK, so back to working hard. When I’m not trying to demonstrate my professionalism by being an amateur, I’m often working a project that’s supposed to make me money someday, thinking it’s my lack of a Sass app in the channel. (That was 3.5, and sorry for the fraction, but I found it while proofreading). Here’s my latest unfinished Rails project, which at present boasts (4) a mere 132 specs.

That brings me to reason (5), dropping buzzwords like “specs” when recruiters think I should know something about unit testing instead, which brings me to my next points (6) relying on insider jokes to get me hired and (7) being implicitly disrespectful of recruiters.

When I’m not working on either some open source project or a risky scheme, I’m spinning out of control learning new gems. Wheeee!!! I always yell Wheeee!!! when I’m spinning out of control learning new gems.

It’s so liberating (8) having a blog that nobody reads. It really is.

OK, so part of the thing is (9) I live in Sacramento (or close enough, but who the hell has heard of Orangevale?).

Some upshots of this are that (10) there’s a perception that whether Rails is a (technical) Ghetto or not, Sacramento certainly is. Also, the only Rails shop in the local area is [redacted], and (11) those dummies didn’t hire me after (12) I made a mistake on a programming problem which (13) only had about twenty or so specs in it. And now I’ve gone and publicly called someone who didn’t hire me dummies, demonstrating one or more of the following: (14) I’m not a good salesman or (15) my feelings are too easily hurt and (16) I’m just a bitter and depressed weirdo, not a young and vibrant Mac owner. But hey, I redacted them. Serves them right. And that’s the last time I’m dacting them, too.

There, I said it, you cheeky wonkers, (15) I don’t own a Mac. I (16) program Rails on a Linux Mint box, which (17) some people don’t know is based on Ubuntu. I even (18) use an IDE, which is why I have only 132 specs in my little unfinished project instead of the million and seventy-two it would need if I didn’t use an IDE. That is to say, I use an IDE when I’m not using gvim, which of course is (19) not Textmate. What’s worse, my IDE was written by the good folks at IntelliJ using Java, a language (20) which has semi-colons in it.

Semi-colons! Oh the humanity!

And speaking of humanity, did I just call my readers “cheeky wonkers”? Damn. (21).

Then there’s (22) my resume, which has lots of .NET and C# and Java and C++ and C and PHP and Perl and ASP and so forth on it, when you (23) recruiter types are looking for a “senior rails developer with 4-5 years experience”, meaning that either I have (24) too much experience or (25) too little, depending on how you want to reject me.

Now, living in Sacramento (op cit.), people may also have the (26) mistaken idea that I won’t relocate if you throw a bunch of money at me, and that I’m just a cheeky wonker looking for a telecommute position, which granted would be nice, but not necessary. Also, I can’t really show up at the local Rails user’s group, because 83.4% of the people there come from Streamsend, and I’ve already gone on record above as a bitter and lonely coot who (27) burns his bridges.

This is getting out of hand.

It’s probably (28) too opinionated even for Rails.

Gems I’ve learned and used in the last week include HAML, YARD, and Mongo. I probably should have mentioned them earlier. Maybe I’m (29) not opinionated enough.

One or more of us has no sense of humor.

Oh, sorry: (30).